Mush

This one is sure to get the feminists goin'!  As you can see, the title of this blog is 'Mush'.  Now the only context in which this word is typically used would be as a command to someone(thing) to jump to, start, go, and not so much at a leisurely pace.  Now I will be so bold as to combine this word with marriage.  Give me a minute to explain this archaic, chauvinistic way of viewing the institute of marriage.

I have had the opportunity to observe a number of different marriages.  Failed marriages, successful marriages, unhappy marriages, stay together for the kids marriages.  You name it, I've seen it.  One element that I see as key to any successful, or lacking in an unsuccessful, marriage is each person's ability to 'mush' when it comes to the needs of their spouse.  In my observation, there are three flavors of this illustration; One of the two people meeting the needs of the other, neither meeting each others' needs, and both meeting each others' needs. 

In most marriages I see one of the two people jumping to the needs of the other for a certain period of time until the 'giver' gets disgruntled, never communicates with the 'receiver' and eventually leaves, shuts down, or worse.  During this type of union, I've observed for some reason a heightened amount of rigid communication, even verbal abuse from the 'receiver'.  Why this is, I still have not figured out.  Maybe it is to maintain that role of the one who wears the pants.  Nevertheless, this is all too common, and can slowly ruin a marriage.

Sometimes I've seen a style of marriage where each person is constantly fighting for their own 'say', their own time, their own piece of the financial pie, and their very own...whatever they can claim over their spouse.  This is a much faster killer when it comes to those sacred nuptials.  It amazes me how many people act like they are single while they are married.  They battle it out for what they feel entitled to, while ignoring their partner's needs.  They get frustrated with the other one for making plans on top of their existing plans yet neither of them checked with the other to consider what they may like to do.  This form of marriage is very unfortunate as it demeans the other person and is just plain sad.

Rarely do I see a style of marriage that I feel I learned from my own father.  It is that of jumping to the needs of the other.  The hardest part of this style is not the action of serving the other, it's abandoning one's pride long enough to understand that it is not all about you.  It's so imperative to make sure that your spouses' needs are met, their life is pleasant, and they know you exist to please them.  This seems like a very simple concept but I am blown away at how many marriages lack this simple, simple action.  Once again, it is NOT ABOUT YOU.

So take these words of wisdom with a grain of salt as I've now only been married for a year, but so far it has been a joy of giving, communicating, and pleasing the other person so that there is no reason to default to that selfish way that tempts us all.